A Little Flare

I want something new. I want something that draws you in and refuses to spit you back out, that makes real life seem distant. I want it to make you cry when it's over. I want them to reach into your hearts and bury themselves there, so that it takes days for you to get things back to normal. I want humor, and action, and drama. I want originality and to test the lines of taboos. All of these things I want to encompass in my first novel series, and so many more.

I'm not a magician (sadly) or Cassandra Clare. I finished reading the Mortal Instruments series last night and was so heart-stricken to find out that there wouldn't be another book for a year that I could hardly sleep. In between reading, I worked, and it felt surreal. That's what a really good book does to you. It has to feel real, something I have trouble with.

I don't want to put Anya's story away. She is the character that's most alive to me out of all the ones I've written. Her story shines, and I absolutely love the ideas that come to me when I work with her. But I must face the fact that although her story is somewhat original, it is based on a very overused concept. I must realize that although I think I've injected enough originality to combat this, I might not have the talent to write such a story.

There's a good reason for this, which hit me in the gut last night while I puzzled over ways to fix Anya's story. The problem arises because she has no memory. Every story I've read that feels real to me has a common thread: the main character reflects on the reality versus the fantasy. With Anya, she wakes up in the fantasy with no memory of the reality. For a better author with more experience, this can be fixed, but the fact remains that I am not that author. I have very little experience with young adult fiction. Although I've been writing for seven years, I've always focused on adult romance and suspense, something that's a sort of "comfort zone" for me. There's always the same basic outline, always the same basic ideas, and you just twist them in your own, unique way. For this, the most important thing is your writing style, not your story, or even your characters. It's your "readability" that is supposed to draw in the reader.

With young adult fiction, the sky is the limit. The story is the heart of the novel, the backbone of the book or series. You can mold it however you want, taunt the reader by making them think one thing, then yank the carpet from underneath them and throw them into a magnificent twist. I wanted this freedom, I have it now, but I haven't yet mastered how to use it.

The point of all this rambling is this: I don't want to write a new novel. I have no idea if I'll even try to write it or get it published if I do. It may be nothing like what I wanted, and it may be everything. My plan is to work on a concept that hasn't been worked with before, or at least not often.

I'm taking the idea from a novel I wrote called Chasing Shadows. It was a half-assed attempt I made at the age of thirteen that came out a decent 60k words. It was about two thieves going after the same prize, a cursed artifact that was both alluring and deadly. They both went after it, they had to fight each other for it, and they were nearly caught, leaving empty handed. In the end they had to trust each other to get get inside the building and figure out who it was that was stalking them and seemed to know at least one of their identities, and of course, they fell in love.

I adored this novel. It was so fun to write, even if it didn't turn out particularly well. I love the idea of thieves, cloaked all in black, a villain and yet somehow the hero of my tale. So I've decided to make an attempt at a story about thieves again, this time a YA (young adult) novel with a paranormal element.

I haven't figured out much more than that. I may not ever write a word of it, but I'd like to try. There's so much I want to try with this series that I've never tried before. One of the hardest will be figuring out how to make it into a series. That, and finding the time to write it (sigh).

Conversion

Under normal circumstances, I would probably put something like this on my Tarot blog, but since this is going to majorly affect my life, I decided to put it here. And besides, it's been a while since I posted anything at all.

If you're on my Facebook, you probably know what I'm talking about. If I haven't told you, I'm converting to Paganism. Why? Well, I was raised loosely Christian, and despite the fact that I really liked going to church and feeling like I was a part of something bigger than myself, I never really felt the connection to what I was being told. At first, I thought it was just the denomination of Christianity that didn't fit, but after going through a multitude of churches ranging from Baptist to a very liberal church that openly welcomed homosexuals (like my aunt, who introduced me to the church) to pray with them, I soon discovered that there was a bigger problem. But what could it be? I could feel the presence of a power higher than myself, and I felt someone listening when I spoke, so that could only be God, right?

Eventually, I broke away from the Christian community because, really, what was the point? Nobody believed the way I did, and I didn't want to feel pressured any more than I wanted to pressure them by talking about the differences in our beliefs. I've floated in limbo this way for a long time, until just recently.

The day after my 18th birthday, I finally decided to go get a deck of Tarot cards. I've always had a fascination with the unknown and believed that there was a mystical side of the world that was outside the realm of explanation. I myself have had deja vu since I was small, a cognition strong enough that I recognize every minute detail of a situation as it unfolds (including my thought processses, the way everyone moves, the way the wind blows, sounds, etc.) as if the moment in time had happened exactly the same way before. It's impossible to really explain and probably impossible to understand unless you've experienced it yourself.

I don't know what inspired me to buy a Tarot deck, but despite my feeling that there is something mystical about the world around me, the accuracy of the deck was enough to really shock the hell out of me. I worked a good 15 readings the first day, and all the questions I came up with were answered as if someone was speaking to me, and sure enough, they came true. It was an enlightening experience I'll never forget, even if I never took up another Tarot deck.

Anyway, this led me to do more research on Tarot, which led me to a youtube channel by Sayge Sorrel. She had quite a few really interesting vlog videos about her life as a new Pagan and her experiences as she became accustomed to it. Her views were so surprisingly similar to mine that I began looking into Paganism, and found information that was nearly identical to my beliefs, give or take a few details. I eagerly threw myself into finding out more, and this is what I've found:

Paganism is an envelope term, like "Christian." There are many different denominations (or traditions), the foremost being Wiccan. Although I do participate in Wiccan rituals, I don't like using the term because many posers my age like to pretend to be Wiccan "Witches" and I don't like to be associated with uneducated fools. Just sayin'.

Anyhow, there are many traditions and values associated with Paganism, which I'm looking into, but the basic belief is that the world around us is a blessed place, and we are all good so long as we make good choices. Everything in the universe is united and works together to create what is around us. Most Pagans worship a God and a Goddess, which I fully intend to do for one reason -- I believe in a power greater than myself. I don't believe this power is male or female, or that it is any number, including one. To worship that which I believe created us all, taking on the roles of God and Goddess to describe it simply takes the ideas I worship and separates them out in a way that allows me to better pray for something. If I was to pray openly to one diety, it would be a goddess, simply because I'm a woman and I feel more openly connected to a female power than a male one.

I don't know for certain if other Pagans view the God and Goddess the way I do. I'm still studying, but I feel comfortable with this religion. It's very relaxed and centered on every individual's views. Most Pagans support free exploration of your personal views, and many denominations are a mixture of religions (including some outside of Paganism) that match what they believe. There is no central government for their churches, and nobody points fingers at sinners.

Please forgive any statements that seem to be bashing Christians. I mean no ill will. I fully believe the diety known as God and my diety are one in the same. As Ghandi said, "Religions are different roads converging to the same point. What does it matter that we take a different road, so long as we reach the same goal. Wherein is the cause for quarreling?"

Blessed be! ♥

'Bowling For Soup' Had it Right

The title of this blog post refers to the song High School Never Ends by Bowling for Soup, but for me I guess it would be College Never Ends.

This isn't really interesting, but it's going to play an important role in my life, so I decided to blog about it anyway. I've decided that I'm going to get two Bachelor's degrees, a Master's, and go to law school. Insane, right? Probably, but I've been panicking at the thought of leaving the student world and joining the career world (I don't count my job at Target as a career). It's still quite a few years off, and I know exactly what I want to be, but lately my classes are flying by (literally...I just finished my first 2-week Sociology class) and I've been trying to figure out how to get where I want to be while weighing the risk/benefits.

See, primarily I want to be an author, but I don't want to count on it to pay the bills, so I decided to become a literary agent. To do that, I have to get a Bachelor's, Master's, go to law school, probably get some experience as a lawyer, move to NYC, find a job in this god-awful economy, make connections with people in the literary field quickly, find and recognize talented writers, work my butt off to get their work published, and then hope that it pays off (because I get a percentage of their earnings). You can probably see the risk with this career. Overall, my future wasn't looking so good.

Then, in my Sociology class last week, someone mentioned that they were going into social work. I don't know what happened, but I have been hung up on it ever since. I know it involves kids (which I hate) and a lot of work for very little money (even though I'm cheap and greedy) but I couldn't stop thinking about what I could do in that kind of position. I can help people (even if they aren't always grateful), I can make the transition easier for people who would otherwise be facing someone cold and emotionless who thinks little of them, and maybe I can do something important with my life.

So, here's my plan. I'm going to get my degree in social work (whatever that degree is) and start going into that while I get my English Literature degrees (Bachelor's and Master's) and start working toward law school. I'm going to try to publish the next book I finish, which means I'll be working with a lit agent and can check out what the job entails while I'm getting there, and in the end I might just end up in NYC with a job I enjoy that miraculously paid off, or anywhere I want to be, doing something important with my life (even if my paycheck is suffering for it).

It'll be crazy for the next dozen years or so, but for some weird reason, I'm looking forward to it.

Blogger's Block

To put it bluntly, this month has been a boring blip in my life, filled with nothing but couch-potato-ing, work, and school (and more of that than anything else). None of that makes for interesting blog material, so I'm at a loss.

So instead of getting something cool, you get to read about my upcoming events! 18th b-day is a month from yesterday (and on a Sunday, eesh). I still have nothing planned. Will probably go 18-to-enter clubbing later in the week - If anyone wants to come, text, tweet, or msg me and I'll let you know what's going on <3.

Otherwise, not much to report; I don't even have any new excerpts *sob*! I'll get to work finding something cool and interesting on the web. Until then:

visit me,
(I've rejoined the obsessive community of myspacers)

tweet me,
(I haven't left the obsessive community of twitterers)

or click play:


Muse - Uprising

Braindead + Writer's Block = A Very Difficult Night

I've been working on Night Song for a few hours now, but I made the mistake of taking a break to eat dinner. Now I'm tired and don't feel like working anymore, and my writer's block is refusing to budge. Sadly, I know what I need to write, but I just can't bring myself to do it (I hate writing fillers, but they're a necessary evil).

Anyhow, I haven't really given any excerpts (except on GoodReads) so I thought I'd put a little here.

This is the first part I've written from Caleb's point of view. So far I've worked only with Anya, the main character (for more about Night Song and the entire Bishop Falls series, click here). The excerpt is from the beginning of chapter five, and I should warn you that it's very rough around the edges. I just wrote it today and haven't done more than read over it once.

Enjoy!



Night Song
Chapter Five Excerpt
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Caleb's fists strangled the steering wheel until he heard the metal groan. Resisting the urge to turn around and go back to Anya, he pulled out onto the highway, refusing to look back at the Howard house.

What the hell was he doing?

When he'd seen the pickup, he should have done just what Anya said—keep driving and pretend he hadn't seen her. At the time, he'd told himself it could be Mrs. Howard needing help, but that had only been an excuse. The little old lady didn't fear them the way some of the people in town did—it was why he’d chosen to take Anya there when he’d found her on the beach—but she had no reason to come looking for them.

Anya did. He'd intentionally stayed clear of any place she might be, resisting his every urge to go see her. He'd even gone so far as to ignore the ocean's call. That had been a nearly physical pain.

Realizing his idol was still visible, he tucked the crystal back into the neck of his shirt. It must have fallen out while he was losing his mind. It had been a wake-up call to find her touching it—a reminder of why he'd chosen to avoid her in the first place. He wasn't like Trevor. He and Clara had made a vow never to involve outsiders in things they could never really understand.

And now he'd gone and done just that. What was worse, he'd involved Anya, the one even Trevor wanted to avoid. For her to be near them would be more than just a danger to her; it could cause serious problems for them if the police decided to intervene and found a connection between her and the Children.

He closed his eyes briefly. When she'd asked about the "Pendle Kids" he'd nearly had a heart attack. If she never found out, he could still sever ties with her. He'd been so relieved when she'd said she knew nothing that he'd almost took her in his arms right there.

The thought brought back the memory of her, her scent as sharp and clean as a summer breeze. He'd almost done something they both would regret, and she sure as hell hadn't been trying to stop him.

With a sigh, Caleb ran a hand back through his hair. She'd been soft and compliant, bold and demanding. It was an intoxicating mixture that had him breathing harder with the memory. Anya appeared fragile, with her blonde hair that was nearly white and pale-green eyes, but there was also a hidden strength in her.

Like the wind. She reminded him of a breeze that could be light and teasing if it chose, but could turn into a hurricane force at a whim.

Like Clare.

That stopped him dead. That was who Anya reminded him of. The two were so similar, and yet on opposite ends of the spectrum. And he'd made a promise to Clara.

He couldn't be involved with Anya anymore. It was wrong. He would have to do everything in his power to make her think he didn't care. Maybe he'd pretend he’d just been using her. That would be enough to make her hate him, wouldn't it?

Make Anya hate him? Caleb flinched as something inside him went cold.

It was too late for that. He couldn't bring himself to do it. It was selfish, but he wouldn't go back to avoiding her.

He was going to break his promise. The realization of what that meant left him adrift, alone. Clare was the only one who knew him—really knew him—and he was going to betray her for someone he'd met only a week ago.

Clare would understand. That was the worst part. Clare always understood, even if she didn't always agree. She would take his decision in passing and consider their promise null and void.

Caleb sighed again. He wouldn't tell her just yet. He'd focus on fixing the old pickup and decide what to do when that was out of the way. If he was lucky—or maybe unlucky—Anya would come to her senses or hear some rumor that sent her as far from him as possible.

Caleb pulled into the clearing and parked near the old, abandoned church. Whatever happened, he’d worry about it when the time came. In the meantime, he’d work on the problem at hand—making sure that monster of a pickup didn’t get Anya killed. With that thought in mind, Caleb flipped open his phone to call Trevor. He couldn't keep Anya at a distance, which meant he'd have to keep her close.

If for no other reason than to protect her from his demons.

A First Look at Bishop Falls

I've got three days off. Translation: I've got three days of writing ahead of me.

I started thinking about the project I'm working on right now. It's a YA paranormal romance series consisting of four volumes that focus on the main character, Anya. The series is going to be titled Bishop Falls.

In Volume I, Anya wakes up on the beaches of Bishop Falls--a small town with a wicked history--with no memory and nothing but singed clothes and a crystal necklace to her name. She is saved by Caleb, a dark and mysterious boy who seems to have a lot of secrets. Throughout the volume, Anya comes to find out that, although they've never met, she has a lot to do with Caleb's secrets, as well as the six young men and women the townsfolk call the 'Pendle Kids,' all of whom have necklaces similar to hers. While discovering these things, she must also confront the one who stole her memories, and destroy the dark amulet her enemy carries before it's too late.

In Volume II, enemies become allies. Anya and the other Children (they call themselves the Children of Pendle Hill, a.k.a. the Pendle Kids) must learn to trust the one who took much away from them if they are to defeat a common enemy, and it seems another nemesis may be controlling their every move.

In Volume III, Anya's memories are returned to her. Even as she realizes that she has betrayed the one she once cared for the most, Anya must save her sister from the clutches of a man known only as the Creator. In her efforts, she realizes she has a lot in common with this puppetmaster, who has a gift only too similar to her own, and Anya must face the fact that she might have to give in to the darkness in order to overcome it.

And in the final volume, Anya, her sister, and the Children face off against the Creator, but Anya is unsure of herself. She is only beginning to recognize the darkness inside her when her greatest enemy grants her a miracle - one that may cost her not only the boy she loves, but also any hope of rejoining the light.

So now that you kind of get what I'm working on, I'll get to the point. I've been trying to come up with working titles that match each other, and you'd be surprised how difficult that is. I randomly started thinking about it a few hours ago and here's what I came up with.

For Volumes I-IV, in that order:
Night Song
Black Flame
White Lace
Dark Tide

I tried to keep with the two-syllable structure, while also giving them each some symbollism that (although not very deep) isn't outright noticeable. Each title relates to an element that is heavily used in the volume it relates to. I chose Night Song (air) because music and the wind are entwined for Anya; Black Flame (fire) is kind of obvious; White Lace (earth) refers to a night-growing plant called whitelace; and finally, Dark Tide (water), which is also obvious.

The original working titles I came up with I didn't really care for. The moon is a big deal in the books, but not a main factor in each of them. The volumes used to be called Wandering Moon (too mushy and dramatic sounding), Harvest Moon (no symbollism, just the full moon of the month when the book was based), and Hunter's Moon (this one actually had some meaning, and was also the month's full moon name). As you can see, it was only a trilogy back then (The Bishop Falls Trilogy worked so much better than just Bishop Falls, but for fear of sounding like a Twilight impersonater, I didn't want to use Bishop Falls Saga).

So that's what I've been thinking about for the last three hours. Pathetic amount of work for as much time and thought as I put into it. Opinions would be helpful, but please, no giving me title ideas - I'm a firm believer that for a book to belong to its author, all aspects of the book must belong to him/her.

Good News and Self Mutilation

To make a long story short, I found out I get to continue working after the season! I work for Target, which is my most favorite store in existence (it's clean, the people are friendly, and nobody who works there looks drugged...except maybe me) and I was lucky enough to get a job in an economy that sucks some massive stones.

Unfortunately, they weren't very smart when giving me a job that requires using a box cutter. Hence the self mutilation; my left thumb is missing a few pieces, and I about whacked my right index finger off today.

And that's all that's going on with me. More writing, and some getting ready for school (woo for two-week classes!) but otherwise pretty boring.

Just to end on a good note:





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Confessions

Do you frequently wake up fully dressed, reeking of coffee, with Post-it notes stuck to your face? Are you an information junkie, a detail fiend, or a wisdom addict? If so, you are probably suffering from being a writer; but don’t feel bad; I have it, too. In the interest of exploring the sphere of the person of letters, this column draws on articles, books and movies, writers real and fictional, and my own seriocomic writing adventures. With its finger ever on the verbal pulse, "Confessions of a Word Junkie" looks at the good, the bad and the ugly in the world of words.

- Caroline Hagood

I stumbled upon this, and I couldn't stop laughing - mostly because the comic aspects are far less fictional than you'd think (keyboard imprints...sticky notes - same difference). And then I delved deeper and found a gem. So, long story short, check out Confessions of a Word Junkie - it's a creative and amusing insight into the mysterious world of words and their lovers.

Why "Twilight Apples" ?

Why not Twilight Apples?

But really, there's a good reason. I admire Stephenie Meyer, and not just because she created a hunky vampire and a clutsy, relatable heroine. While I admire her for many things, including her simple-but-addictive writing style, as well as her ability to make her characters feel alive to the reader (and not just the main protagonists), it is her symbolism that continues to knock me off my feet.

With the Twilight series, she created symbolism on her novel covers that are a mere foreshadowing to her brilliance on the page. I was drawn to the first book in particular, where she portrays a picture of forbidden fruit being offered by the temptation itself. Hence, Twilight Apples.

That, and I just like how it sounds.